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Ask Yourself

* Is living in a Blended Family or a Stepfamily “more than you bargained for?”

* Does step parenting feel like the most challenging and thankless job of all?

* Is the tension and conflict taking its toll on your relationships

* Are you becoming worried about your children and their well-being?

* Are you constantly arguing with your partner about the kids, discipline and parenting in general?

• Is your ex or your partner's ex causing real problems in your blended family and in your relationship

• Are you at the end of your rope and need some answers NOW

* Are you considering entering into a Blended Family or Stepfamily and want to be prepared?



Using Our Minds

INTRODUCTION:

At SBFI we utilize a number of mind enhancing approaches to facilitate individuals taking responsibility and ownership of their lives, their circumstances, their state of well-being and happiness. The only person you can truly have any control over is yourself so figuring out the best ways to enhance your experience of any situation in life, will be the shortest path to contentment and finding peace. Allow us to introduce you to a number of strategies, therapies, approaches and philosophies that are helping many of our clients, friends and colleagues move from being a victim of their own circumstances, to having some victory in overcoming the obstacles of life. In this section we will review some of the resources and strategies we utilize to assist you in gaining some control and ownership in your life by becoming fully conscious of what you think and believe and how this impacts on your life experiences. We will also provide links to sites where you can do your own investigation or personal search to learn more about how to capitalize on the power of your mind (thoughts and beliefs) as well as your personal strengths that you already bring to the situation, but may not be utilizing to their potential.

Welcome to a Journey of Self-Discovery and Personal Growth that will give you the tools to help you to achieve the life and relationships that you truly want.


REBT or Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy:

www.rebt.org

I utilize Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy in my own life as well as with most of my clients. It is an effective way of identifying the irrational and limiting beliefs that we all have, which unchecked, will lead us to various kinds of emotional distress and pain. The main premise of REBT is that our emotions are largely responsible for the emotional distress that we experience, such as anger, depression, shame and anxiety to name a few. Whereas most of us truly believe that other people and circumstances are largely responsible for the way we feel, it is really the thoughts, beliefs, demands, etc that we hold in our minds that are responsible for our emotional experiences of life. Depending on how we interpret any one thing or depending on what we believe about what is happening in our lives, we will react with a healthy or unhealthy emotional response. The good news is that although we are mainly responsible for our emotions and our resulting behaviors, we hold the key to being able to challenge our beliefs and alter the course of our emotions and behaviors. We are the only person we can have any control over and when we learn the tools to challenge our beliefs and in essence choose our responses to various circumstances, not only can we reduce our own distress, we can also learn how to experience life in a much more enjoyable way.

Please check out the REBT website above for more information, resources and books on the subject.


MINDPOWER – John Kehoe

www.learnmindpower.com

John Kehoe developed the Mind Power Theory and his website is committed to helping people discover their human potential by showing all of us how to use the power of our own minds. He believes and teaches that through directing our minds to achieve what it is that we want out of life and harnessing the power of our subconscious, we will be able to reach unlimited possibilities that not only contribute to our own well-being but to the whole of humanity.
“Mind Power is directing your thoughts toward a desired outcome. Put simply, what you focus on you attract. Focus on success and you attract success. Focus on fear and failure and you attract failure. Mind Power is understanding these laws and making our thoughts work for us. Your thoughts are the primary creative forces in your life. Use them consciously and use them often and you will awaken to a whole new life of power and opportunity.” John Kehoe
Check out this website for a whole new way of seeing the world and defining your potential as a person, as a parent, as a partner, as a young person, as a human being.

www.learnmindpower.com


Keys to the Law of Attraction: By Jack Canfield

Jack Canfield’s DREAM BIG COLLECTION www.dreambigcollection.com

Known for his books Chicken Soup for the Soul and his role in the recent movie THE SECRET, Jack Canfield has now brought to us a series of books that explore the Law of Attraction. “Understanding the Law of Attraction is the key to creating the life of your dreams… Simply put, the Law of Attraction says that you will attract into your life whatever you focus on. Whatever you give your energy and attention to will come back to you. So if you stay focused on the good and positive things in your life, you will automatically attract more good and positive things into your life. If you are focused upon lack and negativity, then that is what will be attracted into your life.” P.7 Keys to Living the Law of Attraction.

For many of us, life becomes about the problems and challenges that we encounter and they can be many. The problem becomes when they become our central focus and then we wonder why we get more of the same. The Law of Attraction would suggest that we are in fact generating more of the same through our focus and attention on them. We do indeed need to look at our problems and decide how we are going to deal with or resolve them. And then the point is to move on and not dwell there and yet that is what we do so well. No wonder we get caught up in a cycle of endless difficulties and problems because we don’t set our sights elsewhere. In his book, Keys to Living the Law of Attraction, Jack Canfield says it is natural and OK to notice what we don’t want but it is important to use this as a first step in the process of determining what we do want. “Think about what you don’t want just long enough to help you identify what you do want… remember to redirect your focus back to the positive, and move on.” This is the part we forget to do so often.

In my work with couples and families, it is very clear that people would not come to see me if there weren’t a certain number of problems or issues that they need help dealing with. Of course this requires that a certain amount of time and attention be focused on these problems in order to “fix” them. The problem I find though is that it is far too easy to stay stuck in a problem oriented approach to life. We focus so much on the problems, that we forget to articulate and remind ourselves of what it is that we do want. What are the solutions, the visions, the dreams? So now I find that I want to introduce folks to the notion that we are going to do a certain amount of problem solving but that we also going to use this problem identification as a stepping stone to figuring out what we want out of life. Even just balancing the approach of problem solving with visioning and goal setting to help people get what they want out of life, really shifts things and gives my clients a new sense of personal power, purpose and hope. Where would we be without those things? Even if we solved some of our problems, without hope and a vision of where we want to do, we would be empty and without direction, and at a very basic level, quite bored with life

If you want to learn more about the Law of Attraction visit the Dream Big Collection at www.dreambigcollection.com and check out KEY TO LIVING THE LAW OF ATTRACTION or check out the movie The Secret at www.thesecret.tv or order The Secret, the book at Amazon.com


YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE

by Louise Hay

Another featured expert on The Secret, Louise Hay has been writing powerful words for many years that bring our attention to, once again, the power of our thoughts and our minds, for personal, emotional and physical healing. “If we are wiling to do the mental work, almost anything can be healed.” Louise Hay, in her book, YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE, tells us how our limiting beliefs are the cause of our distress and in many cases our illness. By changing the way in which we think about ourselves, others and life in general, we can significantly improve the quality of our life for the better and have a powerful impact on the world around us.

Check out Louise’s book by going to www.louisehay.com


 

TAMING YOUR GREMLIN

by Rick Carson

www.tamingyourgremlin.com

So much has been written on the power of our thoughts to manifest our reality for good or for bad. Rick Carson’s book Taming the Gremlin has been one of those books that has had a profound impact on the way we think about our thinking and for good reason. The Gremlin analogy is something we can all easily understand and relate to. But until we achieve an awareness of our Gremlins or our critical voices, we are actually a slave to them.

We can benefit so much from coming to realize that our thoughts do hold a tremendous potential for either doing us harm or helping us to achieve success. The dilemma is that the majority of our thoughts that bombard us from second to second, minute to minute, day to day, have a negative quality and message to them, whether they be ones that originated in our childhoods following some traumatic event, or from societal sources that tend to play up the negative and down play the positive. The result or the outcome is the same, we are inundated with these images and thoughts and ideas that convince us that things are bad, that there is little we can do about it and that it can only get worse.

Carson reminds us that we can either be an active participant in discerning and choosing the types of thoughts and messages and perspectives that we give our time to and live our life by, or we can be passive participants in the process and simply accept at face value, every thought and image and belief that we acquire, even those that take us down a path of chronic disappointment and frustration. So what do you choose? Because you get to choose and that in and of itself is a self-affirming belief.

So while our gremlins are gearing up to fill our heads with yet another barrage of negative messages, we get the chance to arm ourselves with awareness, and make a choice as to how much of what they have to tell us is worth listening to. Taming gremlins is not a task for the faint of heart, so prepare for battle, expect to be successful and you’ll be half way there.

Check out The Gremlin Taming Institute and Rick Carson’s books and resources at
www.tamingyourgremlin.com



PLEASE CHECK OUT THESE OTHER WEBSITES AND EXPERTS FOR MORE STRATEGIES THAT WILL HELP YOU TO HARNESS THE POWER OF YOUR MIND AND ACHIEVE THE OUTCOMES AND LIFE THAT YOU WANT.

It begins with being able to accept that we do have more control in our lives than we formerly believed. This can be daunting, even scary at first. But there is incredible freedom and potential in realizing that we have at our disposal the gifts, talents, and capacities to shape the experience of our own lives, despite some of the unfortunate and difficult circumstances that often come our way. I hope you find some of these resources helpful as you explore your own journey of growth and learning.

I have said often, that life in a Step or Blended Family can be the Road to Self-Destruction or the Path to Self-Discovery and it is our choice which road we go down. That is because it is often so fraught with many challenges, complexities, needs and wounds. Through these experiences we either grow or we succumb to failure and experience more loss in our lives. Let’s take the challenge to seek out new ways of being powerful and effective and insightful in our lives.

Here are a few additional websites that you may want to check into. Not everything is a fit for everyone so the search allows you to find that person, or book or philosophy/teaching that really speaks to you personally. There is really something out there for every one of us and we simply need to keep looking until we find it. Good luck on your journey.

“The Power of Intention” – Wayne Dyer www.drwaynedyer.com

“The Power of Now” and “A New Earth” – Eckhart Tolle www.eckharttolle.com

The Adventurer’s Club – ‘Thoughts become things so Choose the good ones” www.tut.com

“Happy For No Reason” - Marci Schimoff – www.happyfornoreason.com


 

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