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Ask Yourself

* Is living in a Blended Family or a Stepfamily “more than you bargained for?”

* Does step parenting feel like the most challenging and thankless job of all?

* Is the tension and conflict taking its toll on your relationships

* Are you becoming worried about your children and their well-being?

* Are you constantly arguing with your partner about the kids, discipline and parenting in general?

• Is your ex or your partner's ex causing real problems in your blended family and in your relationship

• Are you at the end of your rope and need some answers NOW

* Are you considering entering into a Blended Family or Stepfamily and want to be prepared?

The 10 Ways to Conquer Step Family Dragons

(Theory as presented here on the 10 Step Family Dragons
is credited to The Stepfamily Foundation Inc.)
  1. Recognize that the Stepfamily or Blended Family Cannot and Will Not Function Like a Traditional or Biological Family
  2. Know that Blood Bonds and Sexual Bonds are in Conflict – Be Aware / Be Ready
  3. Build Your partnership and Your Couple Strength; Decide Together on How to build and manage your new family
  4. Handle the conflict of Loyalties ASAP
  5. Be Prepared for the Consequences of Diminished Parenting which goes hand in hand with divorce and separation, even death; Plan, Organize and Structure Immediately; Reinstate the 4 R’s – Roles, Rules, Responsibility and Respect and Set your House Rules in motion. This doesn’t mean that everything needs to change but that everyone is clear on how things run and will move forward.
  6. Deal with the Guilt, Shame and Denial
  7. Don’t be part of the Social Norm of “Badmouthing”
  8. Co-Parent – It’s good for your kids – It’s necessary for your kids – for their healthy development and self-esteem.
  9. Visitation: Be Clear, Predictable, Respectful and Consistent.
  10. Many believe the belief in a higher power can help children to cope with the fear that accompanies divorce in children.

The Four "R"s are about Conquering the Dragons:

Important areas of your life together that need to be planned for and carried out, by and for everyone in the family. Implementing a plan that addresses these key areas will make it possible to Conquer the Dragons and build a meaningful life together as a new family.

** Add to these a focus on Relationship Building and creating Family Rituals and you actually have a 6 point plan to assist your Stepfamily or Blended Family in succeeding.

Full acknowledgement is given to Jeanette Lofas, Ph.D, LCSW, Founder and President of the Stepfamily Foundation Inc, headquartered in New York City.   www.stepfamily.org

 

 

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